Sunday, November 18, 2007

End of the Hiatus

Well, I guess it has been about five hundred years since I posted on this crazy thing... and let me tell you, a LOT of things have happened in that five hundred years!

I feel like I am a different person on a different world since last I posted. How to sum up a good eight months in a few words? Really, really good. I spent almost three months at Camp Aush-Bik-Koong ( !), which was absolutely amazing. God has been teaching me abundantly through his word, through prayer, through other people. He has been teaching me to wait - to have patience, to lean entirely on Him when things are unsure, to find solace in His word and in his presence. He has been teaching me self-control, how to really live through the Holy Spirit, how to flee from sin into His waiting arms.

It has been a good eight months. I'm baaaaaack!!!

What is next? Well... two weeks until finals. Egads! I'm not really nervous though... but I guess that is because I haven't really thought about it overly much. The nervousness will rear its ugly head soon enough. I have a monster paper due on Friday. Siiiiigh.. an english major that doesn't like writing papers. I am a living oxymoron. More like I don't like the idea, the premise of writing papers. They are somewhat enjoyable once begun. Anyway.

Mmmm, Christmas. I need to get my shop on.

Monday, April 16, 2007

An Open Letter to the Spanish Language

Dear Spanish,

I signed up to learn the ways of your oh-so-exotic syntax back in first semester, with starry-eyed optimism. Learning a new language was like a whole new world of wonders. Oh, how I wish I had known then what I now know about you.

Beginner's Spanish was next to divine in it's simplicity. I learned the ecsquisite basics of your beautiful grammar and seemingly logical and practical verbs, nouns and adjectives. You made me feel smart in my mastery of what I soon concluded was "an easy language to learn".

Let us fast-forward to today, April 16th, 2007. Tomorrow, I will write my final exam, testing me of my knowledge of you at the intermediate level. How our relationship has changed. As you've turned up the heat, so to speak, in our partnership, I've grown steadily to loathe you. Spanish, I simply don't know how you expect me to memorize ALL of your numerous, nit-picky verb tenses, and more repulsive, your verb "moods". I've come to detest double, nay triple checking all of my translations to make sure all of my words "match" - how am I supposed to remember if things like my hands, or hair, or apples, or chairs, or the sky, are masculine or feminine??!?! (just for the record, I consider my hair to be pretty feminine, but you, Spanish, apparently think "mi pelo" is quite manly).

And so, though I am sorry to say it, this, Spanish, is the end for you and I. I've had it. I'm sick of your dang superlatives, your imperfect tense, your infinitives and your stupid subjunctive mood. I'm tired of your informal "tu" commands and your direct object pronouns. I'm fed up, Spanish, with how you insist that I roll the "r" when there are two of them in a word. Maybe I don't want to roll my "r's", have you ever thought of that? What about MY feelings, have you ever considered that perhaps, just MAYBE, I want my accents NOT to point up and to the right???!?! NO!!! Spanish, we are THROUGH. Stop calling, don't email, don't even try to send me smoke signals. It's over.

Hoping never to see you again,

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I Turn my Camera On!

I am extremely and weirdly fascinated with this thing. How many times have I watched it?? It's just so darn cute - and a better dancer than I am.

Beats studying.

Well, I bit the bullet (what a strange saying) and got my nose pierced at this studio called Nighthawk (downtown) yesterday. The piercer's name was Mark and he was very nice, polite, helpful, and soforth. I think I had palpitations. But it wasn't too bad, nothing compared to the tragus (during which I remember saying "Oww..ow..ow ow ow ow" in a rather alarmed tone), but still painful. I had some pretty extreme eye watering, but that is expected with any injury to the nose! It bled for a little while, which moderately freaked me out, but I think I did fairly well, especially considering that I went alone. I felt brave. It's doing fine today, there was a little bit of blood around the tiny silver ball when I woke up this morning, but nothing a little sea salt soak couldn't handle. I'm pretty happy with it. Nobody seems to notice it so far, which is a little weird, but I don't feel like going "LOOK! LOOK AT MY NOSE!!!", so I guess I'll just wait.

Easter was really great, got to see the whole 'fam, including many babies :)

I watched Jesus Christ Superstar for the second time in about 5 years, and I have mixed feelings about it. I'm not too sure if it's an accurate representation of the crucifixion or not, but it certainly is a good musical. I also don't know what to think of the gospel being figured into a rock opera, but maybe I'm being a little too uptight. I'm sure God would not mind, if it got the message across and worked to usher more of his lost sheep into the Kingdom. The relationship between Mary Magdalene and Jesus was a little questionable, as well. The songs are great, though!! Especially this one - my absolute favorite from the movie (inconviently nowhere to be found on itunes). It's called "Could We Start Again Please", and takes place soon after Jesus is arrested. Mary, Peter and the rest of the apostles express how much they wish things had turned out differently for Jesus - oblivious to the fact that his death had to occur, and that it would be the saving grace for all mankind. I'm so glad that we know how the story would turn out!

I'm also a bit dissapointed that the movie ends with Jesus still on the cross, and everyone leaving on a bus, the same way that they got there. They skip the best part!! What use is the crucifixion without the resurrection? It wouldn't matter if Jesus simply died - but he rose again, victory over death (and sin). That's the main point. Anyway, despite it's downfalls, it's still a great Easter flick. The broadway production is apparently coming to Thunder Bay in May, and I kind of desperately want to see it - the same guy (Ted Neeley) is still playing Jesus, at like, sixty years old! How cool! It's his farewell tour, so it would be really neat to see the "authentic" guy play Jesus for one of the last times. Want to go? Hmmm??

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Not Ready Yet!

Here it is. Tomorrow is the last day of classes for me, as a first year student at the University of Guelph (I said it like that to make it sound more official).

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. Looking back, maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was (*gulp!*). I'm finding that the closer I get to the end, the more I want to stop time, to dig in my heels and delay just a little bit longer. It feels like I'm just starting to really get the hang of things, to find my "niche", I'm really just starting to feel comfortable here. And all of a sudden, the rug will get pulled up from under me. I feel like the friendships I've made are just starting to blossom, and I don't want to quit just yet. I don't know, it just feels like that as summer comes, the little threads of friendships and normalcy that I've collected over these most recent months will just slip out of my hands.

I hope things will be the same when we all come back next year.

Actually, I hope it will be even better.

I hope the summer will really be a time that God will build my spirit and personality, at camp. Camp really refreshes a soul. But I pray for more than a refreshing- I pray God will change and break me, conform me to His will and give me the strength to put to death all of my sinful ways. I pray that I will be refocused on Him, in a way that is lasting and steadfast.


Sunday, April 1, 2007

I get sad.

Well, I guess I'll just let you in on a little something.

I'm going through a strange couple of months. More like a strange year - it seems that this year, more than any time in my life, I've been longing for a husband.

Maybe it's an age thing. I'm getting to be "about the marrying age" (ha-ha!), and maybe it's the old biological clock starting to tick with more urgency. But, I think I've always felt a bit this way. I was telling a friend that for as long as I could remember, I've never had any clearly defined career or life goals, but I've always been quite certain that I was meant to be a wife and mother. "Meant"? How do I know this? I don't. It's possible that God wants me to be single. To stay single. As much as it hurts me to say it... maybe it's not his plan for me, at least at this time, to find a man to share life with.

People always say to embrace your singlehood - God can really use you in this time of freedom, a time where you have no attachments to hold you back from serving Him fully. But I can't help thinking of how much more efficiently I could be serving if I only had someone to partner with, to help and work alongside. Some one to encourage me, to help me not feel so alone.

Alone. I know I should be clinging to God when lonliness comes knocking. Maybe this is His way of teaching me to turn to Him for companionship, for wholeness. I don't know. But there must be some greater purpose to the yearning I feel.

Maybe I just want to be loved. But I am! I am so abundantly loved by God, and I know it. I just want to be loved by someone material, mortal. I was praying today during the communion service at church, thanking God for loving me so much that He would reach out in such a miraculous way to snatch me up into His kingdom (I should really share my God story here sometime) - and then the thought floored me. Why would he want me? There is nothing special or interesting or even that useful about me - why did he take such efforts to claim me? I guess I had never really considered it before. And I haven't yet figured out the answer. We are all inherently valuable, I guess. Am I destined for great things in the kingdom? I don't feel it. I feel sinful. I know somewhere in Jeremiah, God says he has great plans for us. I wonder what His plan is for me. Can I do it, do I have the strength, without a husband at my side? Do I have the confidence?

I just wish I could turn off my longings. I know it is the devil's ploy - to make me frustrated and angry with God for not sending a husband my way, for "making me wait".

Pray, okay?


"God is not a deceiver, that He should offer to support us, and then, when we lean upon Him, should slip away from us." – Augustine

Thursday, March 29, 2007

In the folds of the night...


he sank deeper
pulling with him sheets and lost thoughts
dead skin and dust
he felt the darkness
heavy on his eyelids
even and pressing and damp
the black entangled in his lashes
he felt it
but he couldn’t stop it
as the night sunk hooks into his feet
a floundering fish
and dragged him beneath
into the caverns that awaited him
the hidden caves
the nightmare lairs
water swirling in eddies, lapping against the
porcelain smooth rocks
the night tucked him
unconscious and disturbed
into the weedy bed
and pulled tight
the covers of night
under his chin.
He dreamt.

you can't escape

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Weekend thoughts


I am probably the biggest procrastinator everrrrrr right now. I had all day to work on my final essay due in english on Tuesday, and I pretty much did nothing. Well, I did laundry, but that is besides the point. So, maybe I will start it now - I just realized that I have DG tomorrow and it truly struck fear into my heart, as it dawned on me that all that time I assumed I had to work on this paper will be replaced by DG time. Siiiiigh.

So, I had this really weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was at the C4C formal, and I looked down at myself and my dress (that has a tiny hole at one of the seams) was full of gaping holes. I ended up pinning a tank top to it on the inside, but it kept riding up/falling down in front of everyone. Let's hope that doesn't happen, okay?

This weekend was FOP (Festival of Planning) with C4C, which turned out to be a really great experience, and it helped me to put things in focus concerning next year and the role I will be playing, which while minor, has some real importance if you regard it in the long (as in, eternal) run. It's just great, I find, to be a part of a large group of believers that are all striving for the same goal, and working towards the same objective. I like the feeling of being part of "the body". I also spent some time reflecting on the great relationships I have made with various people this year, and how blessed I feel because of it. I am constantly just basking in the warmth of friendship that I have found this year. I thought back to Summit, in October, and how unsure and strange I felt, not really knowing anyone, not feeling that I "fit in". I can clearly see how God has sent certain people into my life that help me to grow, help me to mature and become more confident. I am so thankful!

We took some pictures at FOP of the awesome legacy of discipleship that has been taking place among the women of C4C - it forms a huge "family tree", starting with Kirsten, and then passing down through 3 subsequent generations. It was neat to think that someday I might be able to pass on the gift of discipling another girl, and add to the chain. It was pretty awe-inspiring.

11 days until Easter!

Friday, March 16, 2007

Oh, a ramble.

Well, I guess I'm going to just use this post to get all of my feelings out. I think I might have mentioned before on this blog that I tend to let it all pour out when I write in these kinds of things - it's a bit of a release, you know? So, here it goes!!!

Firstly, I've been looking up/reading up lately about how Christians should view body piercings and tattoos, and body modification altogether. I have always been interested in the subject, from a very young age, and I have always wanted a few extra holes in my body :P. Two years ago (wow, has it really been that long??) I had my tragus pierced (you know, that useless flap of ear cartilage near the "front" of your ear?), and I really enjoy the appearance of it. I wouldn't say it is a vanity thing, rather an ornament, like a watch or a necklace, or heck, normal old earlobe piercings. However, I've been interested in getting my eyebrow pierced for quite a few years now, on and off. Nothing huge, no big thick flashy ring, something tiny and discreet.

This is where the problem comes in. It seems that there is a huge divide within the body of believers on the issue of piercings, specifically when they are no longer solely on the ear. Many people will refer to a verse in Leviticus (chapter nineteen, I believe, I will "biblegateway" it later!) that basically states that none of God's chosen people should make markings or cuttings on the skin, as the pagans do. This is very reasonable. However, I am torn as to the relevancy of this passage under the New Covenant, as this verse is nestled in with many other O.T. commands such as those requiring men to not trim the corners of their beards, and for no one to wear clothing made of mixed fibres (and I really love my polyester blend disco pants!!! ha-ha.). So this verse is kind of in that weird limbo-land that O.T. commands go into when we consider the New Testament, and how Jesus came in part to free us from the restraints of the law. I realize though that this does NOT mean "Woooo hoooo, we can do whatever we want!!!" But, as one commentator said on the subject, (this is not a direct quote!) "I really do not think that God would care if you have a piece of metal through your nose".

This rings both true and false for me. On one hand, I truly don't think it matters in the long run if you consider it from a purely objective viewpoint. It is just a piece of stainless steel, or titanium, or whathave you. It has no bearing on your standing with God. However, on the other hand, the Bible tells us that whatever we do, we should do it for the glory of God, and also that our actions should never cause another believer to stumble. This is what puts up a barrier to me. What if that teensy bit of metal causes a brother or sister to question my intentions, or causes them to falter? I really would regret it if such a thing happened; my stomach is aching just thinking about it.

I also question my own motives. Am I doing this to have people look at me? To admire me, to improve my appearance? I'd like to say no, but I truly do like to think that a little ornamentation might spice up my appearance, at least to myself. I would like the feeling that it gave me. Mixed in with that, too, is a thought I have been pondering on for the last few days - I actually think that a visible piercing like this would allow me to relate to non-Christians on a new level. Maybe it would cause them to wonder if Christians aren't the stuck-up, goody two-shoes they always thought they were. Maybe they are just normal people?? I also have the feeling that this piercing would give me a bit more confidence in myself, and allow me to share the gospel more freely as a result. I remember the little boost the ol' tragus gave me, and I feel that that another piercing would have the same effect.

But, there is another worry on my mind. WHAT will people think?? I know it is sort of a silly thing to think about. But I worry that maybe potential husbands will be turned off by my tiny little barbell, or that all the old people I know will suddenly shun me. Will my grandma refuse to kiss me? Will old Mr. Laplant pretend he doesn't know who I am? I don't think I've blogged about this before, but I am very afraid of rejection, and this would wound me very deeply. Not even just possible suitors and the elderly, but what if some of my friends begin to act strangely around me? I also think about camp, and what their response would be - not that I've even been accepted yet (or will be).

All these fears and stresses over a piece of metal and a hunk of hairy forehead skin :S !!!!

It's all so confusing. I'm wondering if anyone is reading this - if you are, and you have any input at all, please comment. I won't think you're a creeper, I promise.

One last thing, the Bible also talks about our bodies being a temple of the Holy Spirit. This means that we are supposed to keep them healthy and ready for service. I don't really think that an eyebrow piercing would hinder this great responsibility (unless I developed some kind of horrendous infection ?!?!), but rather, as I read in one person's opinion, as hanging up some sparkly Christmas lights up around the corners :)

I'll keep praying about it. Sorry about the immense ramble-o-saurus I've created.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Northern Repairs


I dun went n' ripped a gall durn hole in m' duffle bag.

Doncha fret, I patched 'er up right.

Th' Northern Way!

Jus' wait till all them Tarantonians see me! Look out, Taranna, I'm a' coming!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Picture Survey

Google survey - type your answers into google and choose the appropriate picture. It's fun!
Your age on your next birthday:

Your middle name:

The last thing you ate:

Trait you most dislike about yourself:

Last thing you purchased:

Most useful thing in your house:

What is your last name?

What makes you happy?

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

What is your first memory of?

What got you through your darkest hour?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

35 Life Goals

Life Goals, a.k.a. Must-Dos:

1. Get married
2. Have children
3. Go skydiving
4. Fall madly in love
5. Get hair done in cornrows on a beach
6. Do missions work
7. Go in a hot air balloon
8. Write a book of poetry
9. See my friends get married
10. Eat an orange fresh off the tree
11. Learn to play an instrument
12. Sleep overnight in an igloo
13. Shave head, just to see what it feels like, and donate hair to cancer patients
14. Stay pure until marriage
15. Live to an old age
16. Always have a real Christmas tree
17. Never be filthy rich
18. Dance in a fountain
19. Try all exotic foods once
20. Kiss someone in the rain
21. Spend a day at the spa
22. Try on the most expensive dresses at the fanciest store
23. Stand in the middle of the Sahara Desert with nothing but sand for miles
24. Ride a unicycle
25. Swim in the ocean
26. Knit a blanket
27. Learn to waterski slalom
28. Learn a different language
29. Grow own vegetables
30. Love to the fullest
31. Crowd surf
32. Scuba dive in Australia
33. Have massive flower gardens
34. Be a good friend
35. Honour God in all I do.

Most of these were written down last year, with some new additions.

What are your life goals? Leave a comment!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Let us Be

We bow our hearts, we bend our knees
O Spirit come make us humble
We turn our eyes from evil things
O Lord we cast down our idols

Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another
Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts us not lift our souls to another

O God let us be a generation that seeks
That seeks your face O God of Jacob
O God let us be a generation that seeks
That seeks your face O God of Jacob

We sang this at praise & worship on Tuesday, and I must say, it is one of my up-and-coming favourite songs.

I think it's interesting to note, it's not "let me be a person that seeks your face", but "let us be a generation". It's not all about us as individuals - we need to seek out others to invite into glory with us.

As the beginning of the project video for North Africa states: "What is the greatest crime in the desert? Finding water and keeping silent." - Arab proverb. We have found the water.

Well, I've just finished my application for Summer Staff at ABK. I hope that I will have that goal in mind, should I be chosen to serve there this summer - to share the gospel to all who have ears to hear or eyes to see.

Study time now - there will be no going anywhere this summer if I don't pass my classes *gulp*

The Key

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13

When I read this in my devotion time this morning, it hit me like a train full of bricks. All this time, I've had the strength to resist what my evil nature desires - I just didn't want to.

I can stand under my temptation because of Him. I can lift this heavy weight? YES!!! I've struggled so long and hard with this sin of mine, when all this time He knew I could avoid it.

It's awesome. It's amazing. What a gift!

Well, I'll leave you with that. I think I need to clean the fish bowl, it's looking a little murky. Poor Clementine!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Making Progress

Wow, It's been a long time!

Well, Christmas break was fantabulous, made merry, was jolly, etc. Plus, I got to see all my dearly missed friends and family. I truly love Christmas.

So, it's already week two, and I'm already mired in heaps of house-hunting hullabaloo (great alliteration, eh?). Which is actually very thrilling, we're going to see a house tonight, and I have a good feeling about it. I bought three posters today for my future room (there is absolutely no way I could squeeze another poster onto the walls of my little shoebox), and I've decided to decorate my room in an international theme - so my list of posters thus accumulated goes like this: 1. Japan - moddy-looking Japanese railway poster, 2. France - black and white scene of the Eiffel Tower at night, 3. England - classic Beatles Abbey Road poster, 4. Spain - Salvador Dali print, 5. Africa (I know, Africa's not a country) - painting of the Serengeti, 6. United States - "Kissing the War Goodbye" Times Square/war time photo.

I think it's a good start.

I must say, so far this semester is much more enjoyable/social. I love friends! Oh, and also, my parents gave me a new fish friend for Christmas, a Betta, whom I have named Clementine. She's a beaut! Technically a male fish, but still a little darling.

I found this creepy, CREEPY video on the net today, and thought I would share the creepiness with all who view this page (?). It's a writing automaton, made in the 1700's. Can you believe it? That's really old. Creepiest aspect of this monstrocity: THE EYES MOVE TO FOLLOW THE PAGE. Egads! Hope you enjoy it.