Thursday, March 29, 2007

In the folds of the night...


he sank deeper
pulling with him sheets and lost thoughts
dead skin and dust
he felt the darkness
heavy on his eyelids
even and pressing and damp
the black entangled in his lashes
he felt it
but he couldn’t stop it
as the night sunk hooks into his feet
a floundering fish
and dragged him beneath
into the caverns that awaited him
the hidden caves
the nightmare lairs
water swirling in eddies, lapping against the
porcelain smooth rocks
the night tucked him
unconscious and disturbed
into the weedy bed
and pulled tight
the covers of night
under his chin.
He dreamt.

you can't escape

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Weekend thoughts


I am probably the biggest procrastinator everrrrrr right now. I had all day to work on my final essay due in english on Tuesday, and I pretty much did nothing. Well, I did laundry, but that is besides the point. So, maybe I will start it now - I just realized that I have DG tomorrow and it truly struck fear into my heart, as it dawned on me that all that time I assumed I had to work on this paper will be replaced by DG time. Siiiiigh.

So, I had this really weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was at the C4C formal, and I looked down at myself and my dress (that has a tiny hole at one of the seams) was full of gaping holes. I ended up pinning a tank top to it on the inside, but it kept riding up/falling down in front of everyone. Let's hope that doesn't happen, okay?

This weekend was FOP (Festival of Planning) with C4C, which turned out to be a really great experience, and it helped me to put things in focus concerning next year and the role I will be playing, which while minor, has some real importance if you regard it in the long (as in, eternal) run. It's just great, I find, to be a part of a large group of believers that are all striving for the same goal, and working towards the same objective. I like the feeling of being part of "the body". I also spent some time reflecting on the great relationships I have made with various people this year, and how blessed I feel because of it. I am constantly just basking in the warmth of friendship that I have found this year. I thought back to Summit, in October, and how unsure and strange I felt, not really knowing anyone, not feeling that I "fit in". I can clearly see how God has sent certain people into my life that help me to grow, help me to mature and become more confident. I am so thankful!

We took some pictures at FOP of the awesome legacy of discipleship that has been taking place among the women of C4C - it forms a huge "family tree", starting with Kirsten, and then passing down through 3 subsequent generations. It was neat to think that someday I might be able to pass on the gift of discipling another girl, and add to the chain. It was pretty awe-inspiring.

11 days until Easter!

Friday, March 16, 2007

Oh, a ramble.

Well, I guess I'm going to just use this post to get all of my feelings out. I think I might have mentioned before on this blog that I tend to let it all pour out when I write in these kinds of things - it's a bit of a release, you know? So, here it goes!!!

Firstly, I've been looking up/reading up lately about how Christians should view body piercings and tattoos, and body modification altogether. I have always been interested in the subject, from a very young age, and I have always wanted a few extra holes in my body :P. Two years ago (wow, has it really been that long??) I had my tragus pierced (you know, that useless flap of ear cartilage near the "front" of your ear?), and I really enjoy the appearance of it. I wouldn't say it is a vanity thing, rather an ornament, like a watch or a necklace, or heck, normal old earlobe piercings. However, I've been interested in getting my eyebrow pierced for quite a few years now, on and off. Nothing huge, no big thick flashy ring, something tiny and discreet.

This is where the problem comes in. It seems that there is a huge divide within the body of believers on the issue of piercings, specifically when they are no longer solely on the ear. Many people will refer to a verse in Leviticus (chapter nineteen, I believe, I will "biblegateway" it later!) that basically states that none of God's chosen people should make markings or cuttings on the skin, as the pagans do. This is very reasonable. However, I am torn as to the relevancy of this passage under the New Covenant, as this verse is nestled in with many other O.T. commands such as those requiring men to not trim the corners of their beards, and for no one to wear clothing made of mixed fibres (and I really love my polyester blend disco pants!!! ha-ha.). So this verse is kind of in that weird limbo-land that O.T. commands go into when we consider the New Testament, and how Jesus came in part to free us from the restraints of the law. I realize though that this does NOT mean "Woooo hoooo, we can do whatever we want!!!" But, as one commentator said on the subject, (this is not a direct quote!) "I really do not think that God would care if you have a piece of metal through your nose".

This rings both true and false for me. On one hand, I truly don't think it matters in the long run if you consider it from a purely objective viewpoint. It is just a piece of stainless steel, or titanium, or whathave you. It has no bearing on your standing with God. However, on the other hand, the Bible tells us that whatever we do, we should do it for the glory of God, and also that our actions should never cause another believer to stumble. This is what puts up a barrier to me. What if that teensy bit of metal causes a brother or sister to question my intentions, or causes them to falter? I really would regret it if such a thing happened; my stomach is aching just thinking about it.

I also question my own motives. Am I doing this to have people look at me? To admire me, to improve my appearance? I'd like to say no, but I truly do like to think that a little ornamentation might spice up my appearance, at least to myself. I would like the feeling that it gave me. Mixed in with that, too, is a thought I have been pondering on for the last few days - I actually think that a visible piercing like this would allow me to relate to non-Christians on a new level. Maybe it would cause them to wonder if Christians aren't the stuck-up, goody two-shoes they always thought they were. Maybe they are just normal people?? I also have the feeling that this piercing would give me a bit more confidence in myself, and allow me to share the gospel more freely as a result. I remember the little boost the ol' tragus gave me, and I feel that that another piercing would have the same effect.

But, there is another worry on my mind. WHAT will people think?? I know it is sort of a silly thing to think about. But I worry that maybe potential husbands will be turned off by my tiny little barbell, or that all the old people I know will suddenly shun me. Will my grandma refuse to kiss me? Will old Mr. Laplant pretend he doesn't know who I am? I don't think I've blogged about this before, but I am very afraid of rejection, and this would wound me very deeply. Not even just possible suitors and the elderly, but what if some of my friends begin to act strangely around me? I also think about camp, and what their response would be - not that I've even been accepted yet (or will be).

All these fears and stresses over a piece of metal and a hunk of hairy forehead skin :S !!!!

It's all so confusing. I'm wondering if anyone is reading this - if you are, and you have any input at all, please comment. I won't think you're a creeper, I promise.

One last thing, the Bible also talks about our bodies being a temple of the Holy Spirit. This means that we are supposed to keep them healthy and ready for service. I don't really think that an eyebrow piercing would hinder this great responsibility (unless I developed some kind of horrendous infection ?!?!), but rather, as I read in one person's opinion, as hanging up some sparkly Christmas lights up around the corners :)

I'll keep praying about it. Sorry about the immense ramble-o-saurus I've created.