Monday, April 16, 2007

An Open Letter to the Spanish Language

Dear Spanish,

I signed up to learn the ways of your oh-so-exotic syntax back in first semester, with starry-eyed optimism. Learning a new language was like a whole new world of wonders. Oh, how I wish I had known then what I now know about you.

Beginner's Spanish was next to divine in it's simplicity. I learned the ecsquisite basics of your beautiful grammar and seemingly logical and practical verbs, nouns and adjectives. You made me feel smart in my mastery of what I soon concluded was "an easy language to learn".

Let us fast-forward to today, April 16th, 2007. Tomorrow, I will write my final exam, testing me of my knowledge of you at the intermediate level. How our relationship has changed. As you've turned up the heat, so to speak, in our partnership, I've grown steadily to loathe you. Spanish, I simply don't know how you expect me to memorize ALL of your numerous, nit-picky verb tenses, and more repulsive, your verb "moods". I've come to detest double, nay triple checking all of my translations to make sure all of my words "match" - how am I supposed to remember if things like my hands, or hair, or apples, or chairs, or the sky, are masculine or feminine??!?! (just for the record, I consider my hair to be pretty feminine, but you, Spanish, apparently think "mi pelo" is quite manly).

And so, though I am sorry to say it, this, Spanish, is the end for you and I. I've had it. I'm sick of your dang superlatives, your imperfect tense, your infinitives and your stupid subjunctive mood. I'm tired of your informal "tu" commands and your direct object pronouns. I'm fed up, Spanish, with how you insist that I roll the "r" when there are two of them in a word. Maybe I don't want to roll my "r's", have you ever thought of that? What about MY feelings, have you ever considered that perhaps, just MAYBE, I want my accents NOT to point up and to the right???!?! NO!!! Spanish, we are THROUGH. Stop calling, don't email, don't even try to send me smoke signals. It's over.

Hoping never to see you again,

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I Turn my Camera On!

I am extremely and weirdly fascinated with this thing. How many times have I watched it?? It's just so darn cute - and a better dancer than I am.

Beats studying.

Well, I bit the bullet (what a strange saying) and got my nose pierced at this studio called Nighthawk (downtown) yesterday. The piercer's name was Mark and he was very nice, polite, helpful, and soforth. I think I had palpitations. But it wasn't too bad, nothing compared to the tragus (during which I remember saying "Oww..ow..ow ow ow ow" in a rather alarmed tone), but still painful. I had some pretty extreme eye watering, but that is expected with any injury to the nose! It bled for a little while, which moderately freaked me out, but I think I did fairly well, especially considering that I went alone. I felt brave. It's doing fine today, there was a little bit of blood around the tiny silver ball when I woke up this morning, but nothing a little sea salt soak couldn't handle. I'm pretty happy with it. Nobody seems to notice it so far, which is a little weird, but I don't feel like going "LOOK! LOOK AT MY NOSE!!!", so I guess I'll just wait.

Easter was really great, got to see the whole 'fam, including many babies :)

I watched Jesus Christ Superstar for the second time in about 5 years, and I have mixed feelings about it. I'm not too sure if it's an accurate representation of the crucifixion or not, but it certainly is a good musical. I also don't know what to think of the gospel being figured into a rock opera, but maybe I'm being a little too uptight. I'm sure God would not mind, if it got the message across and worked to usher more of his lost sheep into the Kingdom. The relationship between Mary Magdalene and Jesus was a little questionable, as well. The songs are great, though!! Especially this one - my absolute favorite from the movie (inconviently nowhere to be found on itunes). It's called "Could We Start Again Please", and takes place soon after Jesus is arrested. Mary, Peter and the rest of the apostles express how much they wish things had turned out differently for Jesus - oblivious to the fact that his death had to occur, and that it would be the saving grace for all mankind. I'm so glad that we know how the story would turn out!

I'm also a bit dissapointed that the movie ends with Jesus still on the cross, and everyone leaving on a bus, the same way that they got there. They skip the best part!! What use is the crucifixion without the resurrection? It wouldn't matter if Jesus simply died - but he rose again, victory over death (and sin). That's the main point. Anyway, despite it's downfalls, it's still a great Easter flick. The broadway production is apparently coming to Thunder Bay in May, and I kind of desperately want to see it - the same guy (Ted Neeley) is still playing Jesus, at like, sixty years old! How cool! It's his farewell tour, so it would be really neat to see the "authentic" guy play Jesus for one of the last times. Want to go? Hmmm??

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Not Ready Yet!

Here it is. Tomorrow is the last day of classes for me, as a first year student at the University of Guelph (I said it like that to make it sound more official).

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. Looking back, maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was (*gulp!*). I'm finding that the closer I get to the end, the more I want to stop time, to dig in my heels and delay just a little bit longer. It feels like I'm just starting to really get the hang of things, to find my "niche", I'm really just starting to feel comfortable here. And all of a sudden, the rug will get pulled up from under me. I feel like the friendships I've made are just starting to blossom, and I don't want to quit just yet. I don't know, it just feels like that as summer comes, the little threads of friendships and normalcy that I've collected over these most recent months will just slip out of my hands.

I hope things will be the same when we all come back next year.

Actually, I hope it will be even better.

I hope the summer will really be a time that God will build my spirit and personality, at camp. Camp really refreshes a soul. But I pray for more than a refreshing- I pray God will change and break me, conform me to His will and give me the strength to put to death all of my sinful ways. I pray that I will be refocused on Him, in a way that is lasting and steadfast.


Sunday, April 1, 2007

I get sad.

Well, I guess I'll just let you in on a little something.

I'm going through a strange couple of months. More like a strange year - it seems that this year, more than any time in my life, I've been longing for a husband.

Maybe it's an age thing. I'm getting to be "about the marrying age" (ha-ha!), and maybe it's the old biological clock starting to tick with more urgency. But, I think I've always felt a bit this way. I was telling a friend that for as long as I could remember, I've never had any clearly defined career or life goals, but I've always been quite certain that I was meant to be a wife and mother. "Meant"? How do I know this? I don't. It's possible that God wants me to be single. To stay single. As much as it hurts me to say it... maybe it's not his plan for me, at least at this time, to find a man to share life with.

People always say to embrace your singlehood - God can really use you in this time of freedom, a time where you have no attachments to hold you back from serving Him fully. But I can't help thinking of how much more efficiently I could be serving if I only had someone to partner with, to help and work alongside. Some one to encourage me, to help me not feel so alone.

Alone. I know I should be clinging to God when lonliness comes knocking. Maybe this is His way of teaching me to turn to Him for companionship, for wholeness. I don't know. But there must be some greater purpose to the yearning I feel.

Maybe I just want to be loved. But I am! I am so abundantly loved by God, and I know it. I just want to be loved by someone material, mortal. I was praying today during the communion service at church, thanking God for loving me so much that He would reach out in such a miraculous way to snatch me up into His kingdom (I should really share my God story here sometime) - and then the thought floored me. Why would he want me? There is nothing special or interesting or even that useful about me - why did he take such efforts to claim me? I guess I had never really considered it before. And I haven't yet figured out the answer. We are all inherently valuable, I guess. Am I destined for great things in the kingdom? I don't feel it. I feel sinful. I know somewhere in Jeremiah, God says he has great plans for us. I wonder what His plan is for me. Can I do it, do I have the strength, without a husband at my side? Do I have the confidence?

I just wish I could turn off my longings. I know it is the devil's ploy - to make me frustrated and angry with God for not sending a husband my way, for "making me wait".

Pray, okay?


"God is not a deceiver, that He should offer to support us, and then, when we lean upon Him, should slip away from us." – Augustine