Saturday, April 24, 2010

Chain-Researching, Vacuum Cleaner Hose, and Stuff

So, me and the internet have this thing. Basically, I spend massive amounts of my life reading about things that are useless, because my brain is a giant information-sucking baleen whale that inhales useless factoids instead of brine shrimp.

I am guessing that that is what baleen whales eat. Oh. They eat zooplankton. I stand corrected. SEE?! THE INTERNET IS A PLAGUE OF KNOWLEDGE.

Seriously, though. I can't stop. It's like I have this extremely rare form of ADD which compels me to research everything that even remotely interesting. And then, I chain-research things. Like, I'm all researching the proper care of pet rats (because, you know, I might want to own a rat someday, and WHEN THAT DAY COMES, I will need to know how to do it correctly), and then it suddenly occurs to me that I should research the use of lab rats for experimentation, and then PETA. And then I'm watching a video about cruelty to circus elephants, and I suddenly think; WHAT THE HECK. HOW DID I GET HERE?! It's disturbing.

Anyway, so my life is really exciting, basically. Because I probably know more about proper rat care than you do.

Also, I am eating a "Fibre and Omega-3" granola bar right now. Because I thought, you know, I am probably one of those people who are all like, "pfft, I don't need any more of that junk in my life", and meanwhile, my intestines are like, turning into a pile of tangled vacuum cleaner hose.

Yeah, like that. So, I thought I'd better buy them. Because you never know.

Yours forever,


Jordan said...

Ah! This happens to me too.
You're funny, lady.