my reading exploits, and etc.

Hey all!

I just got back from the C4C First Years Christmas party! It was great. I love hanging out with those guys - they are all so friendly and genuine, it's such a blessing to have friends like them (you!). Ahh, the semester is ending. It's kind of nice - I am definitely looking forward to a nice, looooong Christmas holiday, full of festivities and friends and family (ooh, alliteration!).

I would strongly, strongly, STRONGLY urge you to read "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. It's a retelling of the Biblical book of Hosea in "western times", and it's amazing. It's a love story, both about human love and God's love. I read it, all 464 wonderful pages, in less than three days. That's how good it is. Haha, who needs homework and textbooks when you have a good fiction to pore over! Anyway, I absolutely adored it, and would suggest it to everyone looking for a good read - but, there are some "spicy" bits, so read with discretion. It's definitely PG-13. I'm starting into "This Present Darkness" by Frank Peretti next, which I'm very excited about, since I have a special place in my heart for Mr. Peretti. Next on the agenda: "Mere Christianity" by the great C.S. Lewis, if I can track it down anywhere! The church library has never had it returned by some sneaky (or forgetful) borrower, and the school library has a few copies but they appear to be on loan, according to the website. If you own it, let me know!

I've also just finished "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris yesterday - it was a challenging one, that's for sure. It's totally shaken my perceptions of dating, so I'm still trying to sort things out about that, and I'm working on how easily I fall into crushes. My punchline reading this book was "well, I've never kissed dating hello..." HA. I mean in a serious context, since there was that ninth grade fiasco.

It's been a pretty good week so far. I'm really happy to say that I've been able to stick to my morning quiet times - for over a week! I'm really surprised at myself - but I know it's not all my doing. Usually, I would fall asleep a bazillion times in the morning if I had just woken up and tried to read - it's happened often trying to read textbooks!! It's cool. I'm really being taught a lot about patience - waiting on God to do His will in my life, and not taking things into my own hands. I'm praying a lot about serving - where I should be, what I should be doing, and when. This is another area for patience - I need to wait and see what He reveals to me about serving and take it from there.

Tomorrow I'm donating blood (gulp). I'm hoping to find a "buddy" to come along with me, perhaps an official hand-holder that will help me not to freak out or think about the massive (kind of) amount of blood that will be making a hasty exit from my poor, poor veins.

Home on Friday! Woohoooo!!!

Until next time, ladies and gentlemen.

it's okay

the ache loomed deep in her heart as she curled tighter, drawing in the silence of the room and the quasi-darkness that only the city could give her. her shame built like a deluge, beating upon the shell of her ribcage as she gasped and struggled to break through the sobs, as her breath turned into a suppressed scream. this is where she lay, her muscles contracted, tense, her eyelids clenched against the beating of the night. the coldness invaded her, the ache wrapped its dead arms around her and squeezed. she gasped again, fighting. she was losing. she was drowning in the flood. the shame parted her lips mid-sob and slid silently down her throat, etching words like fire along the soft tissues with a burning pen – “there is no Spring. there are no more Chances left.” the shame reached her lungs, it reached with its long fingers like blazing tendrils, seeking, finding, devouring the last of her innocence in a flood of fiery despair. she unclenched, unwound, unbent in the last of her gasps, in the last of all things for her. she died the wounded death, and the city lights consumed her body, like soil consumes the dead of the fields.

if i had been in a state to write it, this is what i would have wrote one night, a few weeks ago. this is what it felt like. i'm writing it now and saying goodbye to it. i think it's good sometimes, to let the world know that you are imperfect.

but i know i didn't die any kind of soul-death that night. there is a Spring, and another Chance.

sound of melodies

THIS is the band I was talking about. I l-o-v-e this song. I think I might journey over to ye olde stone road mall soon and see if they have their cd at hmv, since they claim to on their website. That would be awesome. Well, I am bored out of my gizzards. Siiiiiiiigh, I wish there was someone online I could make plans with. A lot of people have gone home this weekend though, so it's kind of doubtful that I'll track someone down.

C4C was great last night, there was an extended Praise and Worship time, which was great and really unifying. There were some awesome prayer times too. Unfortunately, I didn't eat supper in anticipation of East Side's, and then had to endure my stomach trying to digest itself. Well, I had best be off and see what's happening outside my little room.

update!

LEELAND: these guys ROCK. I would recommend that you listen to them. The singer/songwriter in the band is only 18, and I think that is cool. They are very talented. If you watch their video for Sounds of Melodies, however, he looks a little creepily like Johnny Depp on some kind of drug. I can look beyond that, though. And the lyrics are great - BONUS!

Well, I'm off to C4C in a little bit, and I'm really excited. It's the highlight of my week! And I'm saving my intense hunger until East Side's afterwards. Mmmmm. \

Must depart!

a little bit of random news

I can't believe I found this. I am completely overjoyed. Boney M has been THE Christmas tape for as long as I can remember, and I still play it every year as I decorate the house. I almost cried upon this little discovery. I always used to stare at the plastic cassette case, deciding who was the prettiest. They're all gorgeous, and I love this song. Unfortunately, they must be DYING of heat in those huge wooly costumes, especially darling on the left with the hood. Good grief. This makes me want to go home and get the decorating started - which I will actually be able to do in NINE days! Yahoo!



In other news, I've been making strides with my morning quiet time. I'm pleased to say that I haven't fallen asleep once while reading/praying. This is exceptional for me, as I seem to be developing some kind of narcolepsy. I decided to switch from my former reading (I had begun to re-read the entire Bible from the beginning, and now was on Deuteronomy) and start in on the Gospels, beginning with Matthew. This is going well, and is a nice break from the OT.

In out DG last night, we talked about evangelism, and a bit about random evangelism, and our views on it. I think I've come to the consensus that it's biblical, as uncomfortable as it is at the time. This makes me consider again doing a spring break trip - Scotland or Panama - with C4C to do an outreach. I'm praying about it, and we'll see where it goes from there.

Hasta luego!

come on. you cried at the end too.

I loved this dang dog. Someone on the youtube website commented "the most joyful piece of music ever written". That's about right.

lost in the hurricane

Hi there!

I feel that this blog is going to be a good place to get things off my chest, but, at the grave risk of sounding like a huge whiner. So I'll try to keep the getting-off-of-chesting to a minimum.

Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one that is in the throes of a major hurricane in my relationship with God. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Him. I want to serve Him, seek Him in all that I do. I want to share Him. I want to live His will for me. But I feel stagnant. Sometimes it takes an extreme amount of willpower to crack open the Bible, to honestly pray. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in sin, and there's no way out of this ocean. Sometimes I don't even want a way out. But I look around me, and see all the great things happening in the lives of the Christians around me, and I just want ask them what their secret is. I know they're not super-Christians - but on the outside, they are so devoted to God, so, I don't know... BETTER.

God looks at the heart, I know. I also know that my heart is not up to par.

And I make up all of these excuses as to why, oh why, this is happening to me. But underneath the lies I try to tell myself, I know why I stumble.

Pray for me, if anyone reads this?

This week, I am officially starting myself on a regimine. There WILL be Me + God time. I WILL pray. I'll post here how it goes.


In other news, this is great: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

God Bless.

the beginning of a great relationship

Facebook just didn't seem the place for my deep, deep thoughts.

So, here we go I guess!

It's 1:55am, which is what I get for napping at 3 in the afternoon - I could sleep, but my brain-clock's all messed up. I'm listening to Deas Vail on purevolume.com (i love this site, seriously), and they are really quite delightful. I don't know what I would compare them to - having Nutella poured on your brain? That's about right. If you like Nutella, which I do. Psych class tells me that metal and blood kills brain cells, but certainly not Nutella. It's too sweet for such a thing.

Tomorrow (today?) is Farmer's Market day, which means the smell of yummy spices, and possible a Turkish Delight or two? Delicious! I plan on buying some apples, which means using my newfound knowledge that apples last much longer in the fridge. Poor little fridge, it's stuffed to overflowing as it is.

It's going to be a packed day - pretty much on the go from morn till night. Which is okay by me - less time to create busy work for myself in my little box room. That's the main problem with the way I operate I think, I just fill and pack and cram my days as full as possible, and let my Bible collect dust on the shelf. My focus is way skewed here, and I lack the tools to bring myself back. It's funny how I can diagnose myself to death in writing but I never take action... I have a failure complex.

Okay, here I go... it's definitely bed time.